5 steps to show compassion
Over the last year I have phoned an elderly relative on numerous occassions and every time I get scolded for not doing this or that, to the point that when I think of phoning I sincerely hope that the reception is going to be better. Again, I was at the end of hurtful words hurled at me. The words hurt deeply but were just words after all.
Katie Byron’s ‘The work‘ provided me with some principles to tackle what I received :
1- Is it true
2- Can I absolutely know that it is true
3. How do I react, what happens when I believe the thought?
4. Who would I be without the thought?
Turning the statement around, I came to realise that this person was feeling hurt and had projected all that hurt in my direction. They have every reason to be hurt, scared and in pain but they came across to me as very bitter.
It is really not that complicated to recognize hurt, especially if bitterness has set in. Let’s think of some of the characteristics of a hurt person:
- They show a lack of concern for others. A bitter person cares very little about anybody else.
- They’re very sensitive and touchy. For instance, if a bitter person walks into a room where two other people are talking, and those people get quieter as he walks in, the bitter person thinks, “They’re talking about me.”
- They become very possessive with just a few friends, and rarely ever have any really close friends. They also have an unnatural fear of losing their friends.
- They tend to avoid meeting new people.
- They show little or no gratitude at all.
- They will usually speak words of empty flattery or harsh criticism.
- They hold grudges against people, often for a long, long time. They find it extremely difficult to forgive.
- They often have a stubborn or sulking attitude.
- They are usually unwilling to share or help anybody.
- They end up experiencing mood extremes; very high and happy one minute, and the next thing you know, they’re so low they can reach up and touch bottom.
Once we recognise that a person’s hurt, bitter and projecting this onto us, it can easily stop us from interacting with them and thus it reinforces to them that they were right in the first place.
The challenge is to counteract hurt with compassion.
- Show others that you genuinely understand and respect their needs and concerns by listening well and making a concerted effort to see issues from their point of view (empathy).
- Be genuinely transparent to others. Share what’s on your mind and let people see your genuineness by telling them your story including the high and low points. Your candor will build trust and pave the way for deeper understanding.
- Get to know people. Encourage them to talk about their interests, dreams and hopes for the future.
- Be sensitive and allow people to vent their frustrations. Look for ways to help ease their pain and overcome hurts.
- Always treat people fairly and with respect and dignity. Your behaviour sets the expectation others will have of you, so follow through on any good intentions.
This is a very challenging task as in the first instance we tend to absorb the hurtful words and actions and they hit us out of the blue. Once you recognise them as the pain of the other person you can try and reach out with grace and compassion. It is however hard to do but worth persevering with. Trying to listen and understand their point of view and showing empathy, being there with them is a very challenging task and yet can be very rewarding.
We cannot all be as dedicated as Mother Theresa but instead of hurting others when we feel hurt hurled at us, we could try and understand where they are, listen and reach out to them. We may not succeed but it is worth trying.
How to prepare when faced with economic cuts?
The announcement today that the new coalition government is to start making cuts in the UK budget deficit is a brave move and no doubt if you have been cutting waste in your personal spending you will know how difficult it can be to make such decisions.
The result of cutting out new projects and cutting out waste is however less likely to hit the government directly but is likely to have an impact on businesses who will now lose out on the fruition of government contracts. If you are running a business and you are running it on a tightrope as it is, such news is likely to be the deathblow. When businesses falter, jobs are lost and taxes by businesses remain uncollected which in turn increases government spending as people become unemployed.
As a business, not recruiting staff saves money but increases the stress levels of those in employment as they work harder to keep up with the work. Those who become ill increase the stress and workload on those who are still standing. There is no doubt that the economy will be contracting first and employees will start to feel the pinch and the stress. Survival of the fittest comes to mind.
How do you cope when the boat starts to rock?
What is the cause of the rocking motion – is it someone in the boat or is it the ocean?
keep an eye on the horizon – if we concentrate on the rocking of the boat, we might panic but keeping your eyes focussed on the horizon and the general direction you are heading in is likely to counteract the feeling of panic.
Check your life jacket - Ensuring you have a life jacket on will make you stronger in your ability to cope should you be thrown off the boat. It is likely that everyone else will be focussed on themselves and their survival.Develop ideas for a contingency plan or plan B.
Bailing out - make a decision at what point you will bail out of the boat. Bailing out of the boat when it suits you is more likely to offer you more personal power than holding on for the sake of it when the boat is starting to sink. Take decisive action and decide when to cut your losses.
Create a strong support team – time to strengthen those networks that provide you with anchors in an uncertain world. If you can surround yourself with 4 motivated, resourceful people you will feel better placed to tackle the challenges ahead. Not everyone has the same weaknesses and stresspoints. Combining strengths can help you overcome any fear that may be associated with facing a storm, rocking boats and shipwrecks.
What we are about to face as a nation and individually is going to be tough on everyone but heavy pruning, however brutal does give rise to new growth in the future.
It is conceivable that giants will fall, and that some companies will not survive these cuts but any business has to make tough decisions to consolidate, to bounce back and to regroup before new horizons can be conquered.
Check your life jacket, your skills and remember that when the going gets tough, people do not play nice. Time to toughen up and prepare for hard work, hard knocks, teamwork and new growth.
Edible garden in May
The temperatures are still very low for the season and although I have had seeds in since March, there are some that are simply not germinating which means that the level of temperature is not optimum for their growth. The early peas are making some progress but were stunted for a long time and so it appears that everything will start growing together and may or may not bring forth fruit.
Salad leaves are plenty and provide a good basis for the daily salad as well as parsley, chives and radishes. The tomatoes should be planted out but I take them out each day and tuck them in at night in the mini greenhouse so they get another day of warmth.
Broccoli seedlings appear to be growing well and if I can protect them from the resident snail population I may end up with about 12 plants from sprouting broccoli and broccoli nine star ( the perenial broccoli variety).
If not for salads and rhubarb the edible part of the garden has not really started. The broad beans I planted in November are now in flower and starting to set.
The garden is looking green and healthy and I am continuing with that theme. The grass is cut but I leave the grass clippings as local as possible and the grass is definitely greener than last year. Composting in situe may be new but it seems to be working well for me.
How green is your smoothie?
3 months into the British Diet Challenge and there are a few difficulties in following the Classic British Diet. Mainly the amount of meat consumed is getting to be unhealthy for me although the rest of the family seem to be enjoying this eating plan.
I am therefore going to make some changes which hopefully will help me without making it a disaster for the meat lovers in this family.
Breakfast for me will be a green smoothie, lunch a salad and evening meal shared with the family.
Craving greens is a new phenomenon for me as sweet cravings usually dominate and indicate a positive step to better nutrition.
Having read Victoria Boutenko’s Green for Life and having introduced a green smoothie each day for the last 7 days, I have noticed a vast change in my nutritional requirements. Victoria noticed that on the Standard American Diet her family suddenly presented with a vast range of ailments and disease indicators. She changed to a raw diet and the whole family’s health improved dramatically. The secret first addition is a green leafy ingredient which has the capacity to pass us the sun’s energy, ‘chlorophyll’ which appears to be lacking in our diets because eating greens in not naturally palatable to human beings. Creating a green smoothie includes the leafy greens we need while the brain is tricked in drinking a sweetish smoothie. She suggests adding a different green leaf each day and increase the quantity until you start salivating at green leaves.
From the garden I can add :
spinach leaves
miner’s lettuce
parsley
beetroot leaves
dandelion leaves
The video clip is hosted by Sergei Boutenko and shows you how to make a green smoothie.
A green smoothie includes a variety of fruits, water and a small amount of green leaves.
Victoria Boutenko’s book is full of the sort of nutrition advice your mother would have given you if only she had known. She compares our diet with the diet eaten by Chimpanzees who are genetically the closest to us in DNA and notices vast differences.
Going vegan or 100% raw seems impossible to contemplate and yet her book provides the first step to changing our taste buds and food preferences.
7 ways to create a business contingency plan
You are only as strong as your weakest link.
This month has seen one local supplier close its doors. Local cheese and butter production is no longer viable as apparently cheese produced in Lithuania and shipped to the UK is a cheaper and more sustainable option. This resulted in the loss of local jobs and local food, specific local flavours.
Today we have no local bread supply ( without notice) as their oven has broken down and unless it is repaired within 3 days, it will mean the end of their business supplying locally produced bread to our area. In conversation with them, it appears there was no Plan B, no contingency plan and no possibility of obtaining finance in the current economic climate and the result is likely to be more redundancies and loss of jobs as well as security in our supply line.
Unforeseen closures and even planned ones, create stress on smaller businesses whose survival depends on a constant stable supply line.
As a business we have preferred suppliers but we also cultivate different suppliers so that when butter in one dries up, we can secure supply of the item elsewhere.
When one business closes, another one stands to gain and this is where personal food and business relationships matter. Buying your fuel from a small local supplier carries the risk that they will go out of business but when there is a shortage of fuel, they reward that loyalty by closing the door to everyone else and supplying you with fuel. Spreading risk means not putting all your eggs in one basket.
As fuel prices increase we anticipate a further reduction in our supply base. It has repercussions because it means we may need to stock larger quantities of staple goods and increase refridgeration to comply with supply conditions from companies who will not travel to us weekly.
The importance of a working alternative is so important : our bread supply comes from 3 sources and we also stock a variety of bread flours so that the village will never really be without immediate bread supply. Reducing choice is preferable to not having anything to offer.
Here are 7 ways to evaluate your business and create a contingency plan.
1.List every process, supply line in your business : i.e. staff, building, energy,finance, safety, suppliers
2. List the tasks for every business process or supplier and the steps it takes to complete these tasks.
3. For every step, list every dependency (computer hardware, software, external & internal suppliers.)
4 Rate the likelihood for each dependency to fail (Prioritize! Usually a 1-High, 2-Medium or 3-Low works well. )
5 Assume that every dependency will fail, beginning with 1-High dependencies.
6. Write a contingency action that accomplishes the task without relying upon the dependency.
7. Review your contingency plan regularly with each new supply line.
Once you have completed this task and thought through the process you can then just call up your plan B and put it in action, reducing stress and crisis in your business.
We are interdependent and need to build in some self reliance and resilience. A contingency plan for your business or on a personal level can be time consuming but well worth the time spent when a crisis happens.
How resilient are you or your business?
Mindfullness and patience
The last week was dominated by tending to a very sick dog so little else was of importance. Dogs instinctively know when they are poorly and what medecines could be of benefit.Labradors are always hungry and never full and scavengers for anything edible: good an bad. So when our dog decided to miss a meal we knew something was very wrong.
Mindfully observing the dog and trying to make out what is wrong with them is difficult and yet by observation and gentle handling, the dog and I came to an understanding. The dog was distressed and kept looking me straight in the eye. After a visit to the vet she did not object to medecines. The next 24 hours were gruesome but she made it through and suddenly it all changed and I was rewarded with a different look and a thank you. This was followed by a large bark and hints towards an empty bowl.
Our relationship with a dog is based on trust and although at times I felt helpless, just being there, next to the dog as she did for many months when I was bed bound somehow became the basis for a stronger bond between us.
What follows is a show of energy akin to the rising of the sap, a dog who really is happy to be alive and well.
In our home cats and dogs are very fond of each other and people too ofcourse.
Cultivating patience and making a relationship priority can bring new depths of understanding.
The garden in April- midspring
Water
No rain since the beginning of April and more sunfilled days forecast ahead. Its been a great time to work on the way we capture and recycle water in the garden and hopefully the new watercontainer will be in situe at the weekend. I would simply love to have a solar self watering system but the costs are still too high. I may attach a soaker hose to the waterbut and then have a dripfeed system into the soil.
Seedlings
The early peas have been planted out and the ones raised in root trainers are ahead of the ones planted in the soil. Sweet peas are starting to climb up the trellis.
Broccoli and nine star broccoli ( perennial) are still very small and will be potted up into individual containers.
Potatoes are showing through the earth but they do need water to grow.
The tomato plants seem to need the sun right now and although they are growing, it is still early days.
Basil seeds and beetroot are showing through but still a bit shy of the weather.
Seeds
This week, I have put in radishes, carrots, a variety of flower seeds, kale,dwarf french beans and a courgette.
Fruit
Apple blossom, pear blossom perfume the air. The berry bushes show clusters of flowerbuds and strawberry plants in the sun show flowers as well.
Harvesting
Salad leaves are on offer every day with parsley, chives and garlic chives adding flavour.
Rhubarb is still plenty and all sorts of combinations grace the table, including Hazel’s suggestion of adding peaches in a crumble. We will be experimenting with rhubarb sorbet this weekend but that needs a bit of planning.
Spinach – a great leafy vegetable which has been enjoyed with eggs, as salad leaves and yesterday as green soup. An excellent source or iron.
The garden planning seems to be head on at the moment, planting seeds, transplanting seedlings and seeing the garden unfold as we enter mid spring.
We are managing to harvest 1 meal per day from the garden which is great and we look forward to the strawberries so rhubarb can become a second option.
That may sound as if we are getting bored with rhubarb but far from it, it provides endless scope for creativity in the kitchen.
7 reasons to let children cook in the kitchen
The first time I was asked whether my son could cook a meal I approached it with a lot of trepidation simply because usually it means a lot of work, clearing up, burnt food etc etc, I am sure you get the picture.
And yet there is progression beyond that stage if only we can relax and look at the bigger picture.
1 – Cooking a meal is an essential skill and if we want our children to be able to prepare healthy meals we have to allow them to do so in their own environment. If we shoo them out of the kitchen and fear the mess and inconvenience they will never see meal preparation as anything but unpleasant.
2- Safety first – Teaching children how to use scrapers, knives,cutters and appliances in a safe and responsible manner is likely to cause them less injury when they finally try and cook something.Always supervise when children use an oven and show them the correct way to handle hot foods.
3 – Preparation is the key- It is guaranteed that when starting to cook, each bowl, pan and utensil will get used and every work surface area will be covered in flour, sugar or whatever ingredient is used. You may be able to find each ingredient in its location but without labels, the child cannot find the ingredients. Our youngest son has been watching culinary shows and prepares all his ingredients in little bowls, weighed out as the recipe says. It increases washing up but it is a neat and tidy way to prepare a meal.
4- Cookbooks – My children have their own cook books which are aimed at beginners although the first recipe attempted by Ben was chocolate souflle which is far from easy. As he mastered a souffle I feel he can master anything from that book.
5- Make a date – When children catch the enthousiasm for cooking meals you could cook something together, such as your favourite family meal or become your child’s assistant in the kitchen I love my role as sous chef and although in practice that means I do more washing up than chef, I am available to show chef techniques when called upon. Agree a date in the diary, plan the ingredients for a dish and have some fun.
6- Cooking with teenagers - The older boys have access to the kitchen and my only rule is that it should be left the way it was found. This led to some interesting conversations. Well done on cooking eggs and bacon. How do you know I cooked eggs and bacon? Well I can smell the bacon and I can see the eggshells in the composting bin. Well done. Now, just to say that you must avoid using the metal cleaning pad on the frying pan. How do you know I used it on the frying pan? Sorry Mum I did not know. Mum, how do you know what I have done in the kitchen. Its my job son, its my job, I am your mother! ( Just in case the teenager thinks he can get away with stuff!- try not to grin!)
7 – Show appreciation - Saying thank you for a job well done is likely to increase their self esteem and confidence in building up a repertoire of recipes and if all goes well you might get feedback yourself.
Mum I know now how you feel after cooking us a meal. I am exhausted, I have cooked a meal, it has taken me 1 hour and they ate it up in 5 mins and did not even say thank you. I sure want to say thank you Mum for cooking me a meal each day.
Those comments make clearing up the mess and taking deep breaths before allowing the children into the kitchen a worthwhile risk to take.
I am delegatng 1 meal per week to a young chef in the household and the sign in the kitchen saying you have two choices for dinner, take it or leave it applies to me too during those mealtimes.
I am planning an escape from home later this year and I know my boys will take over in the kitchen with confidence. All I need to do is be patient, teach them how to cook, how to clean up and make it fun.
Thats the plan anyway.
The disruptive power of nature
A few months ago I went to a talk by a biological scientist on climate change and how the eventual outcome was in the hands of humans. She told us the earth would survive easily but she was not so sure humans would. The words that stayed with me from that talk were :
If we do not change the way we behave and consume, we will be forced to change by nature’s hand.
The eruption of the volcano in Iceland through a glacier is an impressive sight but the consequences are affecting air transport in the UK and Europe and further afield. It will highlight what fresh produce is flown in from across the world and how much we depend on a reliable stable earth system.
Flowers = 20% of Kenya’s exports are flowers to Europe and the rest of the world. Florists will be affected by this, wedding flowers too.
Travel and tourism – All air travel is halted which may be good for the environment but not for the airlines involved, travelers are stranded in other countries and what a strike could not effect in the UK, a volcano has managed effortlessly, clear airspace, clear skies and silence in the skies.
Postal service – some services that rely on air travel such as courier services, air mail and timed deliveries become unreliable and may affect business deals all around.
Fruit and vegetables – perishable goods may be stuck on planes and in airports waiting for commercial flights. This may result in a shortage of certain fruits such as bananas and other exotic fruits and increase pressures on local farmers. Prices are also likely to increase on fresh perishable goods as the cost of transport increases or availability decreases.
Imports and exports to and from other countries or the lack of them short term will provide extra pressure on the economy and there will be waste and effects on growers in the exporting countries.
There are clear skies over the UK, apart from some volcanic ash falling from the sky and the impacts on the weather patterns are not clear but the actions of a volcano will highlight how much we rely on the air transport routes to fund consumption of goods, food security and economic growth.
It could serve as an indicator of how fragile our ecosystem and economies really are and how interdependent we are globally.
The use of French Sorrel
Sorrell is mentioned by Tusser in 1557 in his list as an essential herb for the kitchen garden and it is one of the very first herbs appearing in spring with chives.
It grows easily from seed; the buckler – leaved variety with small leaves or French Sorrel which has an explicit lemony flavour and is used often as a herb with fish.
In traditional folk medicine, garden sorrel was used as an antiseptic. Because of its high vitamin C content, it was (correctly) believed to prevent scurvy. Roots and seeds were prescribed as a general tonic, and were used to treat diarrhea, a valid use because of the high tannin content. French sorrel was also used to cleanse the blood, and promote urine flow. Sorrel was used externally to cure skin disorders and promote a clear complexion.
In addition to being rich in vitamin C, both sorrels are high in vitamin A, and are a good source of iron. French sorrel is also an excellent source of fiber.
Culinary uses - Sorrel is often used in French cooking, and is the main ingredient of such culinary classics as sorrel soup and soupe aux herbes. (Purists insist that only French sorrel may be used to make sorrel soup, but if you’re just becoming acquainted with sorrel, you’d do well to substitute the milder garden sorrel.)
Add sorrel to your favorite spinach and chard recipes, and use it in omelets and soufflés, and in sauces, especially those accompanying, lamb, veal, pork, duck, goose, fish, and shellfish dishes. Sorrel is a tangy addition to early spring salads and mixed green salads. Whatever your recipe, use either sorrel sparingly, tasting as you go, as the sharp flavor does take getting used to.
Sorrel pesto - pick a handful of leaves, strip out the central stalk and blend with some garlic, some pine nuts or walnuts and plenty of fruity olive oil, a sprinkling of sea salt until you get a thick paste. Spoon into a potato and leek soup or toss into pasta.
Craft uses - Include dried garden sorrel blooms in floral arrangements and bouquets.
Negatives about the use of sorrel
Garden and French sorrel should be consumed in moderation, as both are high in oxalic acid, which can cause kidney stones in some individuals. If you are prone to hyperacidity, you probably should avoid sorrel as its high acidity may cause gastric upset. If you suffer from gout or kidney stones, or if you have a history of kidney disease, you should not consume sorrel. Some authorities have also recommended that people afflicted with arthritis or rheumatism should avoid eating sorrel.
Don’t cook sorrel in cast iron pots as the oxalic acid in the leaves will react with the metal, and the leaves will have an unpleasant metallic taste. Also avoid using aluminum cookware, as the oxalic acid could free toxic amounts of aluminum ions. Use stainless steel utensils and cookware when preparing sorrel.
Avoid sorrel tea because of the oxalates and also because sorrel acts as a diuretic.
Despite this sorrel does deserve a place in the garden and it is no coincidence that sorrel and rhubarb both have a function of cleansing the body of winter sluggishness, creating ways for the energy paths in our bodies to be cleared.
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